Standing with my back to her, I could almost pretend she was
gone. Almost.
I could still feel her presence in the room, still hear
her
breaths as they escaped her. I knew she would forgive me
right away if I turned
around and just apologised, but I was
done. She could keep it, I didn’t care
anymore. She won, just
like she always did. With my back still facing her, I
let my
words out into the almost silent room,
“Are you happy yet?” The words
seemed to absorb straight into
the walls, but I knew she had heard
me.
“Happy?” she asked me, “how could I be happy now?” I clenched my
fists, and she must have seen because I heard her take a step towards
me.
“No, don’t come any closer,” I said to her. If she did I might
lose my grip, “just tell me one thing. Was it all worth it? To get what you
wanted?” She sighed, and took a step back. I released a shaky breath when she
moved further away.
“What do you want me to say, Kate? That I wish
I had never
gotten it? That I wish I hadn’t got there before you? Because I
don’t.” With
that, I straightened the fingers of one hand to open the door.
Once I had
passed through the door I took one look back at her, standing in
the cold cell,
with the grey walls and concrete floor and tiny sink
suspended in one corner.
“You should,” I said quietly, “at least tell
me you regret that
he got hurt,” I pleaded. She shook her head slowly, a
tear tracing down her
cheek.
“I can’t,” she said, her voice
cracking. I let a small tear of
my own roll down my face, and then I turned
my back once again and strode off
down the hallway, leaving her alone. After a few feet I heard a bang on the door
that had swung shut tightly
after I had left.
“Kate!” I heard her shouting, banging on the heavy
metal,
“Please, Kate!” She was almost sobbing now. I stopped in my tracks,
listening. I
waited for a few minutes listening silently until the banging
subsided, and her
sobs turned to nothing. Then, slowly, I walked back over
to the door. I slid
open a small eye slit about two thirds of the way up
the door, and saw her
sitting on the low bed on the opposite side of the
room. When she saw my eyes
at the door she sprung up from the bed, her wild
blue eyes frantically
searching mine.
“Kate?” she
whispered. If I were soft, that would’ve broken me.
But I wasn’t. So I
merely threw in a small picture of our brother, and then
whispered ever so
quietly to her,
“Happy birthday little sis.” Then I slid the cover shut
over the
slit. I heard her agonised cry rise from within the cell, but
again I turned my
back, and didn’t stop walking until I reached the lift,
leaving my little sister
trapped under the earth once
again.
gone. Almost.
I could still feel her presence in the room, still hear
her
breaths as they escaped her. I knew she would forgive me
right away if I turned
around and just apologised, but I was
done. She could keep it, I didn’t care
anymore. She won, just
like she always did. With my back still facing her, I
let my
words out into the almost silent room,
“Are you happy yet?” The words
seemed to absorb straight into
the walls, but I knew she had heard
me.
“Happy?” she asked me, “how could I be happy now?” I clenched my
fists, and she must have seen because I heard her take a step towards
me.
“No, don’t come any closer,” I said to her. If she did I might
lose my grip, “just tell me one thing. Was it all worth it? To get what you
wanted?” She sighed, and took a step back. I released a shaky breath when she
moved further away.
“What do you want me to say, Kate? That I wish
I had never
gotten it? That I wish I hadn’t got there before you? Because I
don’t.” With
that, I straightened the fingers of one hand to open the door.
Once I had
passed through the door I took one look back at her, standing in
the cold cell,
with the grey walls and concrete floor and tiny sink
suspended in one corner.
“You should,” I said quietly, “at least tell
me you regret that
he got hurt,” I pleaded. She shook her head slowly, a
tear tracing down her
cheek.
“I can’t,” she said, her voice
cracking. I let a small tear of
my own roll down my face, and then I turned
my back once again and strode off
down the hallway, leaving her alone. After a few feet I heard a bang on the door
that had swung shut tightly
after I had left.
“Kate!” I heard her shouting, banging on the heavy
metal,
“Please, Kate!” She was almost sobbing now. I stopped in my tracks,
listening. I
waited for a few minutes listening silently until the banging
subsided, and her
sobs turned to nothing. Then, slowly, I walked back over
to the door. I slid
open a small eye slit about two thirds of the way up
the door, and saw her
sitting on the low bed on the opposite side of the
room. When she saw my eyes
at the door she sprung up from the bed, her wild
blue eyes frantically
searching mine.
“Kate?” she
whispered. If I were soft, that would’ve broken me.
But I wasn’t. So I
merely threw in a small picture of our brother, and then
whispered ever so
quietly to her,
“Happy birthday little sis.” Then I slid the cover shut
over the
slit. I heard her agonised cry rise from within the cell, but
again I turned my
back, and didn’t stop walking until I reached the lift,
leaving my little sister
trapped under the earth once
again.